I liked Mamma Mia as much as the next person woman. Though ‘Pierce Brosnan in a comedy’ are five words that should strike fear in the heart of anyone who has ever seen an episode of Remington Steele, I liked it. Meryl Streep has more talent than people who can knot cherries with their tongue.
The abiding memory of it is that of Julie Walters singing Take A Chance on Me, a song with lyrics diametrically opposed to its tune. I enjoy songs that are essentially dirges set to pop tracks. The Beatles were feckers for it. Ticket to Ride, what a deceptive little tune that was. La la la la la la she’s la la-leaving me. You’d be singing away, thinking it was the happiest thing since Derek Mooney and then you’d have a think about the words.
But anyway, Abba. Look what this one turns out like if you look closely. Obsessive feckers.
Take A Chance On Me
If you change your mind, I’m the first in line
That offer still stands, even though you weren’t interested the first time
Honey I’m still free
Mainly because I’m still single
Take a chance on me
Sleep with me, please
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
No seriously, I’m basically just hanging out on the offchance that your standards will drop to whatever circle of hell level I’m at
If you’ve got no place to go, if you’re feeling down
Yes, I get that you’d only want me if you were depressed and out of options
If you’re all alone when the pretty birds have flown
And of course if there were no actually attractive women…
Honey I’m still free
but I’m still up for it
Take a chance on me
Sleep with me, please
Gonna do my very best and it ain’t no lie
Joking aside, I’m actually going to engineer this menage a bleugh no matter what you do
If you put me to the test, if you let me try
Whatever you want, I’m basically playing the grateful role here
Take a chance on me
Sleep with me, please
We can go dancing, we can go walking, as long as we’re together
I would be willing to sponge bathe incontinent pensioners if I could do it in your company
Listen to some music, maybe just talking, get to know you better
Admittedly, I love the idea of you and don’t actually know you at all
’cos you know I’ve got
So much that I wanna do, when I dream I’m alone with you It’s magic
I’ve been fantasising it up a notch, and have progressed to dreaming at this point
You want me to leave it there, afraid of a love affair
But I think you know
That I can’t let go
I’m choosing to ignore the fact that you’re not into this, because I am insane
Oh you can take your time baby, I’m in no hurry, know I’m gonna get you
Like the first in line for the Smeg fridge at the Clery’s sale, I have meticulously planned this. You will be mine.
You don’t wanna hurt me, baby don’t worry, I ain’t gonna let you
Don’t. Try. Anything. I will kill you with this letter opener.
Let me tell you now
My love is strong enough to last when things are rough
You see, I’ve got enough love for the both of us. Lots and lots of obsessive love…
It’s magic
I’m mental
You say that I waste my time but I can’t get you off my mind
You’ve tried telling me, but I’d rather continue this charade, thank you
No I can’t let go
’cos I love you so
Never leaving. Never.
And so on with many choruses of sleep with me, please. I suppose, what do you expect from a group who compare a relationship breakdown to the battle of Waterloo. It makes you wonder if you could really trust them at all. The Dancing Queen was probably an ageing crack whore.
You’re question Pierce Brosnan’s comedic talents…where’s the real Sinead gone? What have you done with her?
The dude’s hilarious. Remington Steele was gold and he’s just a natural for comedy.
Some absolutely quality translations in there I must say… Ones that made me lol in particular;
“If you need me, let me know, gonna be around =
No seriously, I’m basically just hanging out on the offchance that your standards will drop to whatever circle of hell level I’m at”
and, for its simplicity;
“It’s magic = I’m mental”
Ah, I liked this article. Not as cerebral and maybe not as insightful as previous efforts, but still tickled my funnybone.
Marvellous as ever.
Absolute genius! I’m laughing my a off.
@Emmet Apologies, I’ve let my own anti-Pierce prejudices get in the way. Never took to the guy!
@Seb @Darren you are too kind!
Hi Sinead,
I landed on your blog via Kilko’s page.
This post made me laugh so much, in particular:
We can go dancing, we can go walking, as long as we’re together
I would be willing to sponge bathe incontinent pensioners if I could do it in your company
It’s magic
I’m mental.
Loving your work.
Emer
Superb. This really is a great blog! I laughed out loud once or twice there, and that doesn’t happen to often on the internet, believe me. This bit was riotous:
“You want me to leave it there, afraid of a love affair
But I think you know
That I can’t let go
=
I’m choosing to ignore the fact that you’re not into this, because I am insane”
On the Abba issue, I’m a huge fan of theirs and I don’t have any qualms about admitting to it. However, what brief flashes of the Mamma Mia stage show I’ve seen have rendered me physically ill, such was the level of violently offensive happy-clappy, day-glo, second-hand, knock-off, brutal, poundshop Hi-5 kitsch on display. Their music deserves so much more. Shame on Benny and Bjorn for pissing so cynically and protractedly on their own musical legacy. I won’t be seen within a hundred miles of the film.
@Emer thanks a million, I didn’t know you blogged! Loving the blog title, I’ll be over for a read!
@ASApe I’m a big Abba fan, thanks to many years of the Mammy’s old tapes. I think the film was crazy but only because it didn’t even try to take itself seriously which was probably the right way to go with it really, and Meryl Streep singing The Winner Takes It All was actually an amazing piece of film! Thanks for the kind comments!