Starbucks Endorse Obama

Coffee chain Starbucks have come out in support of the Presidential bid of Democratic nominee Barack Obama with the release of a new promotional blend – Just Black Enough. The coffee, a bold yet confident mix of finest dark coffee beans has proven a hit among the youth demographic as well as with women and ethnic minorities. Starbucks have tracked the trend by enforcing a quick saliva swab on customers and arranging their points-of-sale according to ethnicity. Tills serving black people have shown themselves to be strong forerunner in sales of Just Black Enough.

A Starbucks PR rep admitted they were “relieved” that Hillary Clinton had not gained the Democratic nomination, as tests on potential Hillary brews had in general turned up “curiously saccharine” and “bitter” coffees, which the spokesperson imagined “people would only buy out of brand loyalty – and even then they’d be tempted to switch – kind of like Clinton’s support base actually”. Starbucks felt the Clinton coffee – which gained the working title ‘No, Seriously – Pay Your Vendor’ – was ultimately outdone by the fact that it tasted too familiar, “like something you’d originally tried over a decade ago that hadn’t aged well”.

Asked if they were worried about a dip in sales from Republican patrons, the same spokesperson commented: “It’s Obama’s year. A few might drop away but we’ll win them back, it’s black to the future all the way here at Starbucks!”

With regard to the view that Just Black Enough might be considered a racial affront to some, Starbucks were quick to assure that they “ran it by all the leading blacks in the community and Whoopi and that token coloured kid off The West Wing really loved it. The kid from Diff’rent Strokes doesn’t drink caffeine because he’s still holding out for a growth spurt, but thinks anything Just Black Enough is a winner in principle”.

When asked if he had tried the brew, Republican John McCain is reported to have said: “Sure it’s great, but my coffee is the only thing I like black.”

The company will be giving away free cups of Just Black Enough in the Blue states over the coming weeks while traditionally Red states can “suffer for their sins and pay for their caffeine”. Meanwhile, the Obama campaign has officially endorsed the promotional brew, announcing: “Barack drinks it. He likes it milky, to reflect that he’s also Just White Enough”.

At the White House, incumbent George Bush is said to be in a strop over the fact that nobody ever brewed a special coffee for him and threw all of his toys out of the playpen, scattering the Oval office with miniature reproduction warplanes and maimed Iraqi-soldier dolls. Despite the outburst, Starbucks representatives responded by saying: “We had considered a Presidential snack during the last campaign, but we couldn’t really see a market for Bush Juice”.

As Obama and McCain square off for the final showdown, observers can only hope that the promotional coffee and the Oval office billboard campaign with its “You can do it – put Barack into it!” slogan will be enough.

Barack Obama: the perfect pigment for politics.